An Email to remember...

What is my purpose in life? The question the Godfather planted in my mind still continues to bring out things I least expected!

 

This edited email is now almost an year old. Yet its content is as relevant as ever. I was feeling a bit lonely and insecure when I wrote to my family back home in India last year. All of them replied. Everyone gave their own feelings that soothed me greatly. Just receiving a response in itself was a great reliever at that time. My eldest brother though wrote back with an email that contained this message. I loved it then. I love it even more now since his advice is so soothing, yet so practical. So personal yet so universal. So simple yet so elegant. Its timeless. You may find it to be an interesting read too.

 

What is life? Is it true? Stretch your memory till your farthest. Perhaps, you could remember a happening, a moment when you were two or three years old. What about before that? Technically, we all take birth before our birthday. That is when our Mother conceives. On the same day, we get our mind, our self, our ego. What was there before? Have we really started our life on that day only? Or  have we just changed the form of our life for some brief period? If we consider the first option that life started only with our this birth and will end with our death and nothing will be there after that, then there is no point in worrying either for ourselves or for others. Whether we (that includes our loved ones) live for 30 years or 40 or 70, it doesn't matter at all. Because it will be a one time show for everybody. Everyone will have to end the show at some point. We start dying right from the birth. The belief 'LIFE IS THERE FOR ONCE ONLY' can give you immense strength because you know that it will last only for a brief period and only once for everyone whether you are happy, unhappy, rich, poor, famous, notorious, comfortable, uncomfortable, loved, hated, secure, insecure etc.  Now, consider another option that life did not start with our birth and it was already in existence before. It will also be there in future after this birth. We will just change the form of life. Then also, there is no point in worrying because you are sure of the eternal existence of you and your dear ones. Nothing is going to happen either to you or them. There are many more spiritual theories of life which are quite interesting.

 

You would perhaps think that you were already aware whatever I have written above. But if it doesn't vanish your insecure feelings then in reality you have not properly understood or felt it. As Sangeeta very rightly said that you have to live in present only. But it is very difficult to follow in practise. How do you do that? To me, the answer is very simple. The ancient wisdom. Pranayam and meditation. If you practise both these, it will become easier to learn to live in present. You will understand the hollowness of our worries. It has a strength to make you fearless without being reckless.

 

The Godfather

My last post caused a furore I never anticipated! :-) The furore is not the subject of this post. It is too personal. Yet, it took a while for me to get over it. Only now, more than a month afterwards, do I feel ready to write another one. The fact that I have been more busy in recent times has not helped either.

One thing that my last post and its aftermath definitely made me do is look for a copy of THE FOUNTAINHEAD. The most obvious place I tried was the local library in my town of which I am a member. Unfortunately, the book is not available there. During my search, I stumbled across another another gem - THE GODFATHER - instead! I had read it more than ten years ago. May be almost fifteen years ago! I still remembered it vividly... or so I thought! I still took the book out of sheer curiosity of finding out how a classic (or rather an individual's interpretation of a classic, in this case the individual being me) changes with age, time and circumstances. What I found was astonishing. Something that I think deserves a post in its own right.

About the last time I read the Godfather, I don't remember a lot of detail. I don't remember where I read it for example. I don't even remember when exactly I read it either. What I do remember, however, is the physical experience of reading the book. What I remember is how it made me feel. I remember my trembling body. I remember how I had to go to the loo a number of times through sheer excitement and thrill the book gave me. I remember my continuously racing heart. It was unbelievable. Of course, I did not expect to feel the same excitement again. (Why don't we have a delete button for some of the memories? I could have enjoyed the same thrill reading this book again!)

To my surprise, bringing this book home was like Jumanji. It kept calling me until I started reading it. And then, just like Jumanji, once I started reading, there was no stopping it. I had to finish it. The book again made my heart race. It was again exciting. It was again thrilling. There were so many smaller characters that I had completely forgotten about. So many situations I did not remember existed in the plot. It was like reading a new book almost but for the biggest of the surprises that I don't want to reveal for those who may wish to read it.

The biggest surprise the book had in store for me though was its PHILOSOPHY.

In the amazingly pacy plot of The Godfather, I had almost skipped it.

Or may be I was too dazed to notice in the thrill of the first-time-read of this novel.

This time around, after almost fifteen years, I found pages and pages of it strewn across the book.

Pages that talked about life.

Pages that talked about people.

Pages that talked about tough decisions.

Pages that contained gems like -

Every man has but one destiny.

Behind every great fortune, there is crime.

I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

In that one final instant, before anything actually happened, Sonny knew he was a dead man.

These and many more...

But one part of the book made me rethink my whole life again. The process is still on. In fact, this post is just a beginning. The story quickly and in short -

Johnny Fontane is a singer and a movie star. Nino Valenti is his buddy who used to sing with him while they were younger and when Johnny was not a star. Johnny loses his voice when at the pinnacle of his career. His career is almost in an irrepairable decline. Godfather helps him gain some of it back. But his voice does not improve. In the meanwhile, Johnny gets Nino into hollywood. He makes him a star too. By luck, Johnny comes across a skilled surgeon Jules Segal. He identifies the root cause of Johnny's voice failing him and repairs it. Johnny doesn't trust the doctor and never believes his voice could come back. One night though, he just feels like singing and does sing - alone. He realises his voice is back. He can sing again. Johnny is delighted. All the acting in the movies, being a producer, earning money, being in Don's good books, none of it has been able to make Johnny happy. But one night of singing and the realisation that his voice is now back makes him extremely happy. It shows. To Johnny's surprise, Nino is standing behind him listening. Johnny senses Nino is happy for him and yet curiously jealous. When Nino is about to die through his own excesses in life, Johnny finally realises - Nino was not jealous of Johnny getting his voice back. He was jealous Johnny had something in life that could make him so happy. Nino didn't. There was nothing in life that Nino cared about enough that could make him live. Nino had everything. But no purpose. No passion. That brought him to his deathbed eventually.

What is my purpose in life?

What is my passion?

Where do I want to be ten years from now?

Do I have something in my life that will make me feel absolutely lousy if I lost it?

Do I have something in my life that will make as happy as Johnny Fontane if I rediscovered that lost treasure?

WHAT IS IT?

Wish I knew!